Renungan sabtu siang

Siang ini, seperti sabtu-sabtu lainya selama 4 bulan terakhir, aku habiskan di kantor. Satu hal yang berbeda dari hari sabtu lainnya adalah di hari ini aku merasa sendirian dan terkungkung dalam paksaan.
Bukan..., bukan untuk bekerja. Karena sejujurnya siang ini aku tidak perlu mengerjakan apapun. Yang membuatku merasa sendirian dan terkungkung adalah hubungan ku dengan Cupcake. It's one hellish relationship for the past month.
First there was another girl...
Then she said she had enough of me and that this relationship is over
Then come my own realization that maybe it is...
I've been with her for the past seven years and still our relationship waxing and waning faster than the moon ever could.
I've tried, and even been, her friend, lover, brother, father and everything else in between
Some position is more successful that other.
So I decided that to say yes....
that we should end, at least break this relationship for a while
Please not, that "a while" here may last for eternity....
In the mean time....
She can look for someone better
(hell, I know I haven't been perfect)
and so can I
But then all the sudden she said she couldn't live without me
and that I meant everything for her
While in my part....
I feel like I just want to be free!
I don't know what to do man....
I could stay by her side and be a good and responsible partner
but then my heart would suffer forever....
The Fact that she has been pushing this relationship doesn't make it any better for me
nor does it make me love her more.

Hell....
I wish....
I can stay by her side...
but my heart is set to be free....
and I don't want to lie to my heart again....
not this time...
not on this situation....